Thursday, July 28, 2005
"Looking at a blurred mirror..."
People say that I'm the carefree, lazy, epimethean, and happy-go-lucky escapist. I guess they don't notice me much being aloof, detached, gloomy, and contemplative. Its amazing what you can find looking at yourself through the eyes of others...
You guys are probably wondering why I'm being a tad dramatic right now, aren't you? I'm not so sure why as well, and maybe its just that recently I've been thinking far too much with what I've been doing to my life. Then the more I think about it, the more I regret living in this current world; the more I regret living in this current world, the more distant I want to be from it.
With every passing day, I feel the innate "Bounded Barrier" [sic] around me growing.
Interesting that the "Bounded Barrier" was taken from TYPE-MOON but I got the idea to call it that because of the honest thoughts a friend gave me. Come to think of it, I think she was the only one who told me what was really on her mind.
What she told me that I had this shield around me that automatically goes up whenever someone actually tries to make a connection with me. A shield that seals me away and severs the forming connection between other people.
... In the end though, I didn't even bother to try to prevent it from "activating" itself anymore.
Now I'm back to how things go for me... Drifting in a sea of thoughts, emotions, and ideas that will never happen because it just is impossible in this world. In the past though, I anchored myself to something whenever I came across one. This time however, I'll drift a bit longer, and see if I can find some more answers before coming ashore once again... Or decide to remain in my Phantasm world forever, behind the Obsidian Moonlight Barrier.
You guys are probably wondering why I'm being a tad dramatic right now, aren't you? I'm not so sure why as well, and maybe its just that recently I've been thinking far too much with what I've been doing to my life. Then the more I think about it, the more I regret living in this current world; the more I regret living in this current world, the more distant I want to be from it.
With every passing day, I feel the innate "Bounded Barrier" [sic] around me growing.
Interesting that the "Bounded Barrier" was taken from TYPE-MOON but I got the idea to call it that because of the honest thoughts a friend gave me. Come to think of it, I think she was the only one who told me what was really on her mind.
What she told me that I had this shield around me that automatically goes up whenever someone actually tries to make a connection with me. A shield that seals me away and severs the forming connection between other people.
... In the end though, I didn't even bother to try to prevent it from "activating" itself anymore.
Now I'm back to how things go for me... Drifting in a sea of thoughts, emotions, and ideas that will never happen because it just is impossible in this world. In the past though, I anchored myself to something whenever I came across one. This time however, I'll drift a bit longer, and see if I can find some more answers before coming ashore once again... Or decide to remain in my Phantasm world forever, behind the Obsidian Moonlight Barrier.
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